


The Sexile of Kanaya Maryam

by dontrush



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Collegestuck, Multi, Unrequited Love, Unrequited as SHIT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-06
Updated: 2013-03-06
Packaged: 2017-12-04 11:23:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/710256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontrush/pseuds/dontrush
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>sexile</b> <em>slang, chiefly Am.</em><br/><b>1)</b> <em>v.</em>  To banish one’s roommate from one’s dorm room for the purpose of engaging in intimate relations with a partner.  <em>To help Rose sexile her roommate, Dave took Kanaya out on a date.</em><br/><b>2)</b> <em>n.</em>  The person being sexiled.  <em>Kanaya, the unwitting sexile, harbored a crush on her roommate, Rose.</em><br/><b>3)</b> <em>n.</em>  The act of sexiling.  <em>When Dave discovers this, he must decide whether to continue Kanaya’s sexile as planned or to tell her the truth.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sexile of Kanaya Maryam

TT: Dave, are you there?   
TG: yep   
TG: whats up rose   
TT: Not much.   
TT: My classes are going well.   
TT: How are you doing?   
TG: good   
TT: That's good to hear. I'm glad.   
TT: How about your musical efforts?   
TG: oh you mean the beats   
TG: theyre tight as usual   
TG: tighter than the lid on the pickle jar   
TT: I expected as much.   
TT: And your schoolwork? How is that going?   
TT: I hope college is treating you well.   
TG: alright what do you want   
TT: What could you possibly mean?   
TG: look youre being all cloying and shit   
TG: its obvi youre trying to get a favor out of me   
TG: so just cut to the chase and ask im a busy man   
TT: Far be it from me to ask for assistance from my own brother, but I do indeed need some help.   
TT: My apologies for treating you like a person and not a service.   
TG: apology accepted   
TT: Sigh.   
TT: I might as well explain my situation.   
TT: A friend of mine will be visiting me in my room tonight.   
TT: I need you to make sure my roommate stays out of my room for the duration.   
TG: why cant your roommate be in the room while your friend is over   
TT: Let's just say that our activities will require a certain degree of privacy.   
TG: ...oh   
TG: didnt know you were dating someone rose   
TT: I'm not.   
TT: This is a one-time thing.   
TG: ...   
TG: well then   
TG: i guess i can get your roommate out of your room long enough for you and your "friend" to do stuff   
TG: but why not just tell your roommate to leave   
TG: or like tie a ribbon around the door or some shit   
TT: I have my reasons.   
TG: yeah   
TG: i know that   
TG: thats why im asking what they are rose its a simple question   
TT: She just has a bad habit of meddling in the affairs of others.   
TT: The less she knows about my "social" life, the better.   
TG: alright   
TG: whats in it for me   
TT: You mean that Dave Strider cannot find it in his heart to do his own sister a single act of unrewarded kindness?   
TG: im not saying that exactly   
TG: but   
TG: youre a smart girl rose youve got some incentive in case the bullshit about us being related wasnt enough to get me to play along   
TT: How kind of you to presume I have some manipulative ploy in store, but I am afraid you are incorrect.   
TT: I merely thought you would appreciate the gesture enough to be on board.   
TG: what gesture   
TT: My roommate is single, you know.   
TT: What's more, she is quite attractive.   
TT: Even if you have an ulterior motive for doing so, you will essentially be taking her on a date.   
TG: im not so desperate that i jump on every date opportunity like its a trampoline and im a 10 year old hyped up on ritalin   
TG: i do have standards you know   
TT: Really?   
TT: Then I guess you can turn me down.   
TT: It's a shame, though...   
TG: ?   
TT: Well...   
TT: I thought you two might make a cute couple.   
TG: is that it   
TT: Also, turning down my offer won't do wonders for your reputation.   
TG: what reputation   
TG: is someone giving me a bad rap   
TG: please tell me the rap is at least ironically bad   
TT: I'm not one to judge its ironic status, but...   
TT: There's some contention among our aquaintances over which team Mr. Strider bats for.   
TG: ...   
TG: you are an evil evil woman   
TG: appealing to my sense of heterosexuality like that   
TG: to what depths hath the mighty lalonde sunk?   
TT: I take it I have your compliance?   
TG: you take it alright   
TG: you take the goddamn cake too i want you to know that   
TG: so whos the lucky lady   
TT: Her name is Kanaya.   
TG: got it   
TG: and where are we meeting   
TT: Head to my room around six.   
TT: If you could keep her away until about eight, it would be appreciated.   
TG: two whole hours?   
TT: I'll remind her not to eat dinner before then.   
TT: All she will expect is that one of my friends is taking her out to eat.   
TG: do i have to pay   
TT: Well, it is customary for the gentleman to pay for the date.   
TT: Sometimes you have to give in order to get, Dave.   
TG: the hell is that supposed to mean   
TT: Listen, if you find yourself pressed for funds, I would be happy to subsidize you.   
TG: hell no   
TG: its bad enough im doing this in the first place   
TG: getting paid for my troubles is where i draw the fucking line   
TT: It seems everything is in order.   
TG: if this is order to you then i wonder about your chaos girl   
TT: Hush.   
TT: Just one more request, Dave.   
TG: what now   
TT: I humbly ask that you do the following:   
TT: Enjoy yourselves.   
TG: uh   
TG: okay   
TG: you too i guess   
TT: I'll try.

***

Your name is Dave Strider and you cannot believe that your sister gets more than you do. It’s hardly a feat considering you currently don’t get any at all, but it’s the principle of the thing, dammit. You’re the pimpmaster hustledaddy; she’s the snippy bookshrew. So why is she the one getting laid?

Despite the fact that you will be serving as an accomplice to this abomination of circumstances, you have decided to play along. From what you’ve seen of her, Kanaya is rather attractive. She’s no Jade, of course, but she’s certainly not a woman you would be ashamed to be seen with in public. Plus, you didn’t exactly have any plans for tonight, anyway.

At about half past five, you leave your room on the 4th floor and head up to Rose’s room on the 7th. You lucked out in being in the same dorm as both Rose and Jade, who is on the 3rd floor. Jade’s brother, on the other hand, lives on the other side of campus. Not that you’re complaining; the less John sees of Rose, the better. You’re sorry, but it’s just plain creepy hearing your best friend tell you how hot he thinks your sister is. Sure you’re in a similar boat with regards to _his_ sister, but you don’t constantly tell him that. In fact, you’ve never once mentioned it to him. 

You’ve never mentioned it to anyone, actually. And why should you? The way things are now is great. You see Jade almost daily and you get along well with her and she probably considers you one of her best friends. What more could you want?

Hopefully tonight’s “date” will take your mind off the answer to that question.

You reach Rose’s floor and knock at Rose’s door and are answered by a voice which is distinctly not Rose’s. 

“Come in, it’s unlocked.”

You enter and see a tall, dark haired girl applying lipstick at a mirror. You also see an empty seat by your sister’s desk. “Where’s Rose?” you ask.

“At the library,” comes the well-enunciated reply. “She has a paper due soon in her gender studies class, so she is out doing research on sexuality in humans.” Researching human sexuality. Hell of an alibi there, Rose. You have no doubt that as soon as you leave she will come back here with her mystery beau. The girl puts the lipstick away and turns around. “I believe we have yet to meet properly. My name is Kanaya.”

“Sup. I’m Dave. Rose Lalonde is my sister.”

“I see. You must be a different Dave than the one Rose usually talks about then.” Kanaya puts on her coat.

“There’s another Dave?”

She gets her purse. “Yes. Rose usually refers to him as a ‘patient’ of sorts. She claims she is administering psychotherapy to him over the internet. If I recall correctly, she’s written a few papers for her psychology class about this Dave Strider fellow.” She reaches the door and you follow her out. She locks the door behind her. “Am I right to assume you and Rose have the same last name? What’s yours?” 

“My last name isn’t important right now,” you say, not blushing at all.

On your way to the restaurant you learn a little about each other. Kanaya is undeclared but is leaning towards English as a major. She’s also involved in nearly every performing arts group on campus as a costume designer. You are also undeclared, albeit with no real leanings. You signed up for a bunch of clubs at the start of the year, but never really committed yourself to any. Eventually you got tired of the constant stream of emails from clubs whose meetings you never attended and officially quit most of them.

Kanaya is an inch or two taller than you, you notice. When she walks, she carries herself with regards to her posture, but her calm demeanor betrays any sense of presence she would otherwise have. When she speaks, she has a tendency to ramble, but she nonetheless gives you the impression that she chooses her words carefully. A less perceptive person might interpret this as Kanaya having something to hide, but to you it comes off as nervous. Her voice is clear and unwavering, delivering each word with full weight. It has a certain regal quality to it, you think.

You give a flourish as you reach your destination. “We’re here,” you say.

Kanaya pauses, incredulous. “Chili’s?” Kanaya can knock it if she wants, but you believe Chili’s is the perfect place for a first date—casual, but not second-rate.

You enter the fine dining establishment. You remember that John is working tonight and, mainly out of habit, ask the hostess to be seated in his area. She seats you at a small table in the corner of a crowded section. You shimmy into your seat as Kanaya slides into hers.

“So,” you start, “What’s it like living with Rose?”

She brandishes a reserved smile. “I rather enjoy it. She cleans up after herself and is never out too late. Our schedules don’t overlap much, so I don’t see as much of her as I might like, but we get along perfectly. What more could a girl ask for?”

You are about to reply when your waiter reaches your table—or rather, your waitress, a girl you have never met. She’s on the short side with short black hair in a more tomboyish cut than Kanaya’s and olive green eyes. Kind of cute, you guess. You suppose the hostess sat you in the wrong section by mistake, but you’re not about to request to move; on second thought, John would in all likelihood completely ruin your date with his inane blathering.

“It’s good to see you, Nepeta,” Kanaya says, standing up in anticipation of something. The something comes when your waitress gives her an energetic hug.

“It’s great to see you too, Kanaya!” The girl finishes the hug and turns to you. “Who are you with?”

“This is Dave, Rose’s brother.” You raise your hand and wave politely. “Dave, this is Nepeta. We went to high school together.”

You smile. “Nice to meet you. You go to college here?”

She nods her head excitedly. "I'd love to chat more but I should probably take your orders for drinks now.” She pulls out her notepad and asks Kanaya what she would like.

“Just water, please.” A classy choice for a classy girl.

“And what would you like, Dave?”

“I’ll take a water as well, but could I also get a chocolate milkshake with that?”

Nepeta says “Absolutely!” and leaves for the kitchen. You turn your attention to the lovely lady sitting across from you. Actually, any sensible guy would do that; you, however, turn your attention to the menu.

You’re deciding between the Texas Fries and the Southwestern Egg Rolls when Kanaya finally speaks up. “How odd. The milkshake thing must run in the family,” she says.

You look up. “What makes you say that?”

“I ate here last week and Rose ordered the same thing. I didn’t even know Chili’s _had_ milkshakes before then.”

“You ate here with Rose?” You realize it’s a silly question. They’re roommates and presumably friends; no reason they wouldn’t dine together occasionally. Aside from a brief affirmation, you don’t get much in the way of an answer, so you leave it at that. You muse over your menus in silence. “I think I’m going to go with an order of Texas fries,” you say finally.

“Interesting choice,” she says.

After further silence, Nepeta expertly traipses back to your table and places the drinks down. “I'll be right back to take your orders, okay?” she asks. She leaves for the kitchen before getting an answer.

As you reach for your milkshake to take a sip, you hear a sigh of relief from across the table. “What is it?” you ask.

She looks askance. “Nothing,” she says, stifling a half-giggle.

Now you're interested. “Really, you can tell me.” You lean in and lower your voice. “What, were you afraid she would mess up the order or something?”

She brings a hand to her mouth in silent laughter. “No, nothing like that. I'm just relieved she only brought one straw with the milkshake.”

“Why wouldn’t she?” you ask, puzzled.

Kanaya rolls her eyes briefly and recounts the tale. “Nepeta has the... _peculiar_ habit of seeing a couple waiting to happen whenever she looks at two people who happen to be in the same vicinity. If that wasn’t bad enough, she also takes it upon herself to try to push that sort of thing into motion. Trust me, when you get to know her it goes a lot further than putting two straws in a milkshake.”

“She sounds like a handful,” you say. You raise an eyebrow. “You said Rose ordered a milkshake. Did hers get two straws?”

Kanaya’s eyes widen. She opens her mouth to speak, but only blinks a few times before slowly nodding. 

You chuckle, oblivious. “I can see how that might be awkward,” you add. She watches you as you take a long sip of the milkshake. It is a little thicker than usual and requires more effort to coerce up the straw than it ought to. You decide to wait a bit for it to thin up. Still being watched, you attempt to further the conversation. Feigning indignation, you say, “So I guess this means Nepeta doesn’t see any potential between us?”

“Hmm...” she says, regaining her composure. “I suppose not. Not to spoil the mood, but I’m inclined to agree with her analysis. No offense, really, I’m just not interested in something like that right now, that’s all.” She’s offers a friendly smile to soften the blow.

“It’s alright,” you say, and it really is. You’re fine treating this as an outing with a friend. As far as rejections go, largely pre-emptive ones seem to be the most painless. Apparently getting turned down is a lot easier to deal with when you have a milkshake to comfort you. Or maybe it’s just easier to take when you don’t have much to lose. With no offense to Kanaya, you didn’t exactly see this relationship headed in that direction either. Not like you did with Jade. Her rejection of you actually hurts. But then, who’s rejected whom if you’ve never asked her out?

“So if I’m off the table, then how about my sister?” you leer. “Do you agree with Nepeta’s ‘analysis’ of you and Rose?” You laugh a little at your joke. Your smirk fades when you realize you are laughing alone. You look across the table. Kanaya is glancing to the side and forcing that same reserved smile when she says it.

“No, I doubt that’s ever going to happen.”

Suddenly you are watching John say the same thing about Rose. You’re watching yourself say the same thing about Jade. Then Kanaya sighs, and she breathes the same sigh John breathes, the same sigh you breathe. You all sigh of feeling and never acting. You all sigh of ill-fated affection and self-imposed rejection. Most of all, you all sigh of wanting to know but fearing to find out.

Kanaya grabs her purse and stands up in the same motion. She says in a single breath, “If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”

You watch her leave when it all hits you. The reason you and Kanaya are in this Chili’s hits you. The reason she just left for the bathroom hits you. _Rose_ hits you.

Shit. Is this the reason Rose couldn’t just ask her to leave? Rose wouldn’t dump this hot mess of a fucking situation on you, would she? Unless she doesn’t—no. This can’t be right. This sort of thing just doesn’t happen in real life. You’re jumping to conclusions; you have to be. You have no idea what you would do if you weren’t. 

Still, you can’t ignore the fact that every neuron in your empathy lobe is screaming “SHE HAS A CRUSH ON ROSE.” Shit, let’s be statistical. If you knew for a fact Kanaya had a predilection toward females, you’d have enough evidence to convince yourself. But the vast majority of girls are straight, right? Then it’s fair to assume Kanaya is too until otherwise proven. And that’s just what you’ll do: you’ll just say the jury is out on this one for now. You still have—what would Terezi call it? Oh yeah, “plausible deniability.”

Whew. Close one. Good thing that awkward as hell situation is purely hypothetical.

You hear approaching footsteps through the din of the busy restaurant. Kanaya isn’t back yet, but Nepeta is. You tell her she went to the bathroom and she asks if she should come back later.

“No, no. She’ll be right back,” you say. “Why don’t you take my order in the meantime?”

She pulls out her little book and you tell her you want the Texas fries. “Is that it?” she asks.

“For food, yes.” You look around. No sign of her. This would be your only opportunity to mine for information and find out how deep this rabbit hole goes. If you pass it up, your story ends, and you can go on believing what you want to believe. Is it better to know?

“Could I ask you something about Kanaya?” you ask.

Nepeta perks up. “Of course!”

You swallow nervously as you take the proverbial red pill. “Did she date anybody in high school?”

“Just one person,” she says, and you notice her eyes narrow, as if she were evaluating how much you deserve to find out. Your poker face is unassailable, and this situation is no exception, no matter how high the chips may be stacked.

“What was her name?” you bluff.

Her eyes relax, seeming to recognize you were in on some sort of secret. “Her name was Vriska. They were super cute together, you have no idea!” While Nepeta stands and revels in the memories near-manically, you spot Kanaya and her purse sauntering over to the table. She slips into her seat.

“There you are, Kanaya!” your waitress says. “Not to rush you, but I ought to take your order soon. My section is almost full! I've never seen it this crowded.”

“That's right,” Kanaya says, “you usually work the lunch shift don't you?”

“Uh-huh.” She whips out her notepad again. “I'm only working now because John asked me to cover his shift.”

You glance up. “John _Egbert_?” Then this is his section after all.

“That’s the one!” Nepeta confirms. “Luckily I'll be out of here before too long. He only asked me to cover for him from 5:30 to 8:30.” Nepeta begins to take Kanaya’s order, but your mind is elsewhere.

Rose needed Kanaya out of the room from 6:00 to 8:00.

John needed Nepeta to cover his shift from 5:30 to 8:30.

_That son of a bitch._

You cannot fucking believe that John Egbert and your sister are currently having—you don’t even want to think about it. He’s your best friend, sure, but you can only sit back and watch that entitled prick get everything he wants thrown at him for so long. Rose said she’s not even dating him! What you wouldn’t give just to kiss Jade on the cheek and Rose gives John _everything_? What did he do right? What are _you_ doing wrong???

“Dave?”

And Kanaya, that poor girl. You’re all but certain she’s interested in Rose; that high school girlfriend of hers put the nail in the coffin. Kanaya would be crushed if she knew this was happening. Not only that, she has to _live_ with her for the rest of the year. You can’t imagine it. She would have to sleep in the same room as the girl who broke her heart by going behind her back to sleep with _your_ best friend. Even worse, you’re _helping_ them fucking do it! If you don’t tell her and she finds out later, the blood will be on your hands. You should’ve known something was up. You could’ve told Rose ‘no’ and just spent the night browsing the internet and feeling sorry for yourself like you always do. 

“Dave.”

Goddamn it, Rose. You wonder if she knows. On one hand, you were able to figure it out yourself within an hour of meeting Kanaya. On the other hand, you do not believe Rose Lalonde is the type of cruel, heartless bitch who could have the audacity to do something like this knowingly. If you go by the shit she gave you about girls you liked in high school, Rose definitely has the ability to detect an ongoing crush. According to Jade, though, Rose isn’t quite as perceptive on that sort of thing when it’s directed at her. But that theory was based on the fact that Jade didn’t think Rose realized John had a crush on her. Well now, it looks like she must have noticed at some point, doesn’t it!

“DAVE!”

Snap back to reality. Smelling something, you look down.

“Uh, Kanaya,” you ask, “when did our food get here?”

“Finally,” she says, exasperated. “You’ve been zoned out ever since we ordered. The food just got here. Is something wrong?”

You are tempted to tell her. “No, nothing’s wrong,” you say. You reach for your milkshake, which to your discovery is now overly runny. 

The rest of dinner passes without incident, though it turns out neither of you were very hungry. You pay separately, leaving Nepeta a generous tip, and head out into the chilly fall air. You check your watch. Only 7:00. It’ll take fifteen minutes tops to get back to the dorm, so you have to stall for at least another forty-five. Dammit Rose, who the hell needs two full hours to get their bone on?

Kanaya taps you on the shoulder. “We’re heading to the dorms, right?”

“Uh...” You better think of something quick. “But it’s so nice outside,” you say.

“It’s fifty degrees out here,” Kanaya says coldly.

“How about a walk in the park?” you suggest.

“Not in Centennial Park,” she dismisses. “The old building people are always going on about is being renovated, so there’s construction going on there.”

“How about the other park?” You are fairly certain there is another park near campus.

Kanaya blinks at you. “The other park,” she repeats.

After a moment’s hesitation, you nod.

She crosses her arms. “You mean Love Circle?”

Oh, right. That’s what it was called. And for good reason, too: it is widely considered a primo make out spot among those in the student body who know of it. “Uh...yeah. I mean Love Circle.”

Kanaya sighs. “Seems a bit forward, don’t you think? I already told you I wasn’t interested.”

“It’s nothing like that, I swear!” You try to recall another plausible reason to go there. “Watching the sunset from up there will bring tears to your eyes, it’s so goddamn beautiful.”

She appears to be taken aback with confusion. “Dave, it’s already night.”

“Er...even better,” you say. “There’s a great view of the city too and it’s even better at night.”

“Well...I suppose it couldn’t hurt. And I’ve always liked our skyline.” Eying you suspiciously, Kanaya acquiesces.

You lead the way. You’ve been to Love Circle once before, the first week of classes. Jade discovered the spot the day before classes started and kept talking it up to you, John, and Rose. That Saturday, the four of you had a picnic there. You think that might have been the day you started falling for Jade. How long ago was that, two months? Three? Regardless, it was one of the best memories you have of your time at college. Everything’s been downhill since then. Just look at the situation you’re in now: all this complicated nonsense with John and Rose and—and...

“Kanaya.” She is at your side as you head towards the park. You wish you could help her somehow. No one deserves that. “I’ve been wondering, did you get Rose as a roommate through random assignment or did you two request each other ahead of time?”

“It was completely random,” she answers, gazing up at the sky.

“You’re pretty lucky. I went random too, and I ended up with a total asshole.” You swear, if Karkat Vantas drinks your apple juice one more fucking time, you will commit an outright fucking impropriety off the handle.

Kanaya doesn’t seem too interested in your roommate. “I’m not all that lucky. There are some downsides to the room we got. The building has two elevators, but neither goes to both our floor and the laundry area. We have to take two elevators both ways every time we do our laundry. Then there are a few neighbors of ours who see it fit to use our floor’s showers for...certain two-person activities.” She pauses for a second, a hand to her mouth. “And quite honestly, I wasn’t so sure how well Rose and I would get along at first.”

“Really?”

“Yes. She can be quite snarky at times. It can be difficult to figure out what her intentions are beneath that mask of near constant insincerity.”

You nod in recognition. “If you ask me it’s something like a defense mechanism. She gets easier to figure out the longer you know her. Take me for example; I’ve known her for so long, there’s almost nothing she can hide from me.” You grin coolly.

“Part of me wants to believe that,” Kanaya comments, almost like she knew you were lying through your teeth. “And even though I have started to peel back the layers on that mask of hers, there’s still so much about her that eludes me. But...” She trails off just as you were starting to think she might be warming up to you.

“What is it?” you ask. 

“It’s just...” she pauses, practically biting her lip. “Lately, I feel like I’m prying too much into her life. I don’t want to seem too intrusive, but it’s hard not to feel that way when I want to know more about her.” Rose did mention Kanaya’s tendency to meddle. You can’t say you haven’t felt like you’ve leaned too hard on Jade from time to time. 

“You really like her, don’t you?” you say. She doesn’t respond, but you find the answer in her face—her cheeks take on the slightest hue of rose. You want to ease her mind, but she doesn’t seem comfortable getting anything off her chest. 

_Sometimes you have to give in order to get, Dave._

You get an idea that ought to scare you, but under these odd circumstances seems like the only thing to do. “Hey Kanaya, you mind if I talk to you about something?” 

“Go right ahead,” she says, relieved of the burden of being the topic of conversation.

“Well, it’s about this girl.” Oh lord, you’re actually going through with this. “Jade Harley. You know her?”

“One of Rose’s friends?” she asks, and you nod. “Yes, we’ve met. She’s a sweet girl.”

You smile. “I thought so too. In fact I...” You take in a deep breath. “I think I might just have something like a crush on her.” 

“Is that so? Have you told her about this?”

You shake your head. “I’ve always been too nervous. You could say I’m afraid of her finding out, because I haven’t really told anyone.”

“Am I the first?” You nod again. “Wow,” she says, “I’m not sure what to make of that.”

“You don’t have to make anything of it. I just decided I needed to tell someone and you were the closest person.” It really does feel good to face your own emotions. You can only hide them for so long before they start to corrode themselves. Kanaya and you walk the next block in silence before you start up again. “You know, Kanaya, I’m not really sure why it’s taken me so long to admit it to anyone, but I’m glad I have.” She smiles a little at that, and you’re glad to see it. “It’s hard, Kanaya.”

“What is?” Kanaya asks, genuinely concerned.

“Going to college and growing up. It’s hard and nobody understands,” you say, hands in pockets. “At least, that’s what I always used to tell myself.” Taking a hand out of your pocket to run it through your hair, you laugh quietly. “It sounds completely fucking ridiculous to say, but for the longest time I actually believed that nobody understood.” You take your shades off and stare at the lenses. “I don’t think I believe that anymore.”

You have finally reached the last road you have to cross before your destination. “You mean you think that someone understands?” Kanaya asks. “What made you change your mind?”

 _You did, Kanaya._ Nah. Too corny to say, even if it is true. “Not sure,” you say instead, reaching your hand out to Kanaya to cross the street. She takes it as you say, “Just a feeling, I guess.” 

After crossing the road, you release Kanaya’s hand and the grade of your path starts to increase. You begin to climb, but your friend hesitates.

“Love Circle is at the top of a hill?” Kanaya asks from the base of the incline.

You shake your head. “Love Circle _is_ the hill. It’s just that all people ever seem to talk about is the top.”

“I wonder why that is,” she ponders, taking her first steps upward.

“I’m not sure,” you say, “but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s because the top has the best view.” You climb upward together, one step at a time, realizing that Kanaya wants to get to the top as much as you do. It suddenly hits you how you might be able to help Kanaya with her Rose problems. “You know, Kanaya, I think I may have been going about this whole Jade thing all the wrong way.”

“What do you mean?” she asks, with genuine interest.

“So far I haven’t done anything to indicate my feelings to Jade, and so far nothing has happened between us. That means I’ve got to make some sort of move, right? At the very least I should let her know I’m interested, shouldn’t I?” Kanaya nods in appraisal. “Exactly. Sitting around wishing something will happen only makes you feel that much worse when it falls through. And it _has_ to fall through, short of a miracle. Because the only way it could ever happen is if you refuse to sit around wishing and waiting. No one else will do this for me. _I’m_ the one who has to make this happen. Because if I don’t make it happen for me, some guy will come along and make it happen for him.” 

You’re nearing the summit now, and the lights from the city have begun to appear over the top of the hill. A cool breeze starts to wash over both of you, carrying with it a vital feeling of agency and a promise of good things yet to come. You slow to a halt, having reached your destination. 

“After all,” you finish, “How can you ever get where you want to go without taking the first step?” You make a sweeping gesture, showing off the skyline. The view really is spectacular—you weren’t lying. 

Kanaya simply stares for a few seconds before saying, “I can see why people only ever talk about the top.”

You laugh a bit to yourself. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?” You fake a nervous chuckle. “Sorry about all that babbling I was doing on the way up here. It helped me a lot though, so thanks for humoring it.”

“No need to apologize,” Kanaya says curtly. She gazes at her unremarkable shoes while adding, “Though I would like to thank you, too.”

“What for?” you ask. She looks at you and gently smiles. Then she does something that surprises you. Kanaya Maryam gives you a hug. 

She holds it for a few seconds before answering, “I get the feeling that you already know.”

***

It’s 7:55 when you nervously knock on the door to Rose’s room. You sent her a text saying you might be back a little earlier than expected, but you didn’t get a reply. “You know that I have a key to the room, right?” Kanaya asks from behind you. “And besides, it probably isn’t locked, seeing as how the light is on.” 

Your reply is interrupted by the door opening, revealing Rose Lalonde caught in the act...of drying her hair with a towel. She must have showered just now, perhaps in order to—the phrase “destroy the evidence” comes to mind. Clever girl...

“How was the date?” she asks with an affected innocence. “Did you two have fun?”

“In a sense,” Kanaya briefs, entering the room. “I take it you finished your research. Did you have fun as well?”

“In a sense,” Rose says after her slyly. You ought to glare at your sister now, eyebrows asserting that she owes you something, big time. Instead, you simply wave goodbye and let the door close behind you. 

Stepping into the hall, you let out a deep breath that you only then realized you were holding in. On your way to the elevator pinching the bridge of your nose, you bump into someone leaving the bathroom. She drops her clothes and you mutter half-hearted apologies as you stoop to pick them up for her. You nearly drop them yourself when you hand them over and see who it was you bumped into.

“Jade?”

No doubt about it, all 5 feet 6 inches of Jade Harley stand in front of you. She is clad in white pajamas with splotches of green matching her eyes. Long black hair falling in wet clumps frames her slightly flushed face.

“Dave? What are you doing here?” she wonders aloud. She takes her clothes and heads with you to the elevator.

“I had dinner with Kanaya,” you answer.

“Rose’s roommate?” Her eyebrows drop just slightly. You nod. “You mean like a date?” She relaxes a bit as excitement takes its hold. “Ohmygosh, how did it go?”

“I think it was exactly what both of us needed.” You push the call button for the elevator. “She’s a nice girl, but I don’t think we’re really all that compatible romantically speaking. I mean, we barely even talked at Chili’s.”

Jade laughs that endearing earthy giggle of hers and says, “It’s a shame my brother had to miss work today. Maybe he could’ve lightened the mood a bit.”

She knows about John? You do a double take before trying to play it cool. “Why exactly did he miss work?”

“Harry Anderson performed at the auditorium today. You know, the magician he’s been talking about for weeks?”

“Huh...guess I just tuned him out or something.” John wouldn’t have missed Harry Anderson for the world. _Then who..._

Jade coughs to get your attention. “Uh, Dave?”

“What?” you say.

“The elevator’s here.” Sure enough, you look up to find Jade holding down the door open button from inside the elevator. You follow her in. She grins and asks what floor you’d like to go to—all for show, of course; she knows what floor you live on. 

Well Dave, where do you want to go from here?

“Four, por favor,” you drolly drawl. She is laughing again as she pushes the buttons for floors four and three, and for once you aren’t afraid of what may come to pass. Riding on the confidence of the words you told Kanaya, you feel as if you could ask Jade out here and now. And yet...you do not. Something seems off that you can’t quite place: a narrowing of eyes, a twitch of the face, a stifled breath, perhaps. All these and more, none of them yours and all of them out of place. An awkward silence—something you had thought impossible in Jade’s presence—settles between you and her as the elevator shuttles you downward. Before you can wonder as to its cause, it breaks itself. 

“See you, Dave!” Jade shouts, her parting words having more of an edge than usual. You echo them regardless as the elevator door opens.

Then you step out of the door of the elevator and stop. All other thoughts seem to reset themselves as a startling, abhorrent _something_ rises to the surface of your mind. It had been brewing since you saw that face in the hall. The face of a girl you thought you knew (and knew you loved) flushed slightly then. Was it because she saw you? No. 

It was because you saw _her_. 

“Jade,” you meekly offer, more a fear than a question. “Why were you showering on Rose’s floor?”

You turn around. In the diminishing gap in the elevator door, you see Jade Harley in full flush, desperately hammering the door close button. The door shuts with a clank of finality. You sink to your knees and then some, letting this confused pile of Dave block the hallway.

She and Rose...

...

...

...welp.

Whipping out your iPhone, you thumb through your address book, looking for a very recently added number. You take a deep breath and type your message.

TG: hey kanaya   
GA: Hello Dave   
GA: Is Something The Matter   
TG: no   
TG: i mean   
TG: kind of actually   
TG: are you busy   
GA: Not Exactly   
GA: What Do You Need   
TG: uh   
TG: not much really   
TG: i guess i just want to talk   
GA: Is That All   
TG: i think so   
TG: its just   
TG: i just need someone who understands   
GA: And You Think That I Do   
TG: no kanaya   
TG: i know you do   
GA: ...   
GA: Ill Be Right There


End file.
